I'm not sure how many of you watched "Heated Rivalry". but I did and loved all of it. I know it's fiction, I know it's fantasy, but it awakened feelings in me I'd purposely put away 16 years ago. I'd had a bad run with men, and never seemed to make a good choice in partners. First boyfriend, I loved deeply as only a 22 yr old can, but found out he'd committed armed robbery when we were together, and slept with every man in town. Not good. Second one told me about some guy in his sex and love addicts 12 step group. I begged him at Thanksgiving to stay away from this guy, but when he picked me up at the airport after visiting my fam over Xms, he told me the two of them were a couple, after the three years he'd been with me. Nest one was a great guy, but after a few years told me he wanted to spend more time with his friends, and left me. A year later, we picked back up, but after six months, he did the same thing he'd done before. The last man had been hiding a wicked coke or crystal habit from me, and I couldn't tolerate that. This final event turned me off completely and just reinforced my inability to choose suitable men. Now these longings and yearnings have returned, and I also feel the clock ticking away. I figure I've probably got 20 good years left, and I don't want to spend them alone. So, I started dating again. First two guys were one date types. Nice, but no spark, no real anything. Number two was a different story. Instant attraction when we met irl. Had a really fun first date, culminating in him wanting to blow me in his car. I told him no, but the following week he we went on a bike ride, then lunch and drinks at a dive bar, and sex was def on the menu. Problem was, he couldn't relax enough to let me fuck him. I've been fucking men for a half century, so I know what I'm doing. Nothing I tried worked, so we tabled sex for that evening. It was frustrating to me because he believes the only type of sex involves penetration. Not being nearly so closed minded, this really bothered me. Anyhow, a week later, he came over for dinner, and the same sequence of events unfurled. After that, we kept seeing each other, but he'd find reasons to not have sex. He'd keep suggesting it, then find reasons to back out, one time telling me he was hung up on his ex, who'd died 16 years ago. I shoulda ended it, but I didn't. The Sunday before Easter, he told me he wanted dinner with me on Monday, and wanted me to top him. I said yes, but Monday afternoon, he texted saying he wasn't cancelling, but...I told him to just cancel and reschedule. Haven't heard back, nor will I. Trooper that I am, I go on date with another guy, really nice, but has his ex wife living with him, and is devoting his time to taking care of here since she's not able. Next guy is cute, a bit younger, and widowed. We have a fun first date, and agree to go out again. Day of date two, he tells me there's a leak in the faucet and he needs a plumber. Fair enough. We reschedule for Saturday, the 18. Texts me this am and says. "I have been reflecting on our first date. Although I am very attracted to you and I had a good time on our date, I feel it is best that I not pursue a dating relationship further..." WTF? Why can't I pick the right man?
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